You Can Do What You Want

“I can do what I want.”

The truth is, we all can. And we should exercise it whenever we need to.

But with that power to do anything we want comes the responsibility and accountability of our actions too. This is often forgotten about when we walk and talk through our lives.

I’m advocate for doing what it is important for you, and this may sometimes cause pain and hurt. But I like to think that this is a mitigated risk and reduced to very few people.

When our actions start impacting a wide range number of people, and contravention of laws, that’s when we need to look larger than ourselves.

We are our own universe, but we share a common space with other universes.

When a single star in a universe collides with another star a black hole is formed and the gravitational pull is enough to destroy the entire galactic system.

If we keep our actions unaccountable and we collide with another star we’ll create our own black hole of shame and anger, things we don’t need to get involved in.

Protect your star, live your life, reduce the number of collisions with other stars either be accident or maliciously. Mitigate pain and think of others on your course to live your life.

Jump into Your Life

I remember setting up for the first ACTivate Your Life session within two months of getting the job.

A handful of people came through the door including one woman who was worried for her daughter who had gone through cancer and a breakup.

The lady had been so used to being a carer for her daughter during the frailty that cancer brings and although the daughter was doing well the fear of the cancer returning was too much for the lady. She wanted a guarantee that it wouldn’t and until that time came, she couldn’t rest easy as she knew that she would be needed to care again.

The reality was far different.

Her daughter was living her life, happy, and learning new skills to become her own business owner.
The fear and the worry all lived in the lady’s head.

Four weeks later we had figured out where thoughts come from, why and how they aren’t always based on fact.

We had looked at things that happen to us, and why we don’t want them to happen to us, but still need to live in line with whatever is put in front of us. We talked about talking action to mitigate about bad news that happens to us.

We discussed mindfulness and making sure that we live in the present, particularly when thoughts are becoming overwhelming, and how we can put a full stop to the anxiety and the worry the thought brings, but not necessarily the thought itself. But we can give that thought space to live and settle and to let it drift away through mindfulness techniques.

We finished with understanding her values and what kind of mother she wanted to be for her daughter and how she could best serve that function that wasn’t too demanding on her or her daughter. Through exploring values we understood that her concerns for her daughter came from wanting to be a good mother but that she hadn’t discussed with her daughter what that looked like now her daughter was no longer an active cancer patient.

Four weeks is a very short time to comprehend all of what Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT) can do but it changed her outlook; it changed her life, and the life of the others around her.

A year later, out of the blue she emailed to say that although she still has ups and downs she stays far more balanced on the whole. She’s able to recognise when a thought is just made up and she’s far better and talking about her fears, wants and needs, particularly with her family.

What could ACT do you for you?

I want to help more people through ACT. If you think you might benefit from a 30 minute chat with me about how ACT could help you in your circumstances, drop me a message or book an appointment on Facebook and I’ll gladly spend that time with you.

Are you ready to transform the way you think and jump into your life?

Easing of Restrictions

Freedom of movement is upon us here in Wales.

This is an exciting time for lots of people who have been unable to see loved ones since the middle of March. It’s also the first time we’ll be welcoming British tourists to our mountains and beaches. The economy will start showing signs of growth again and that’s a good thing on the whole.

For some people there is still not reprieve until August due to shielding and for those who are not entirely satisfied with how the restrictions are being lifted, and the behaviour of others, they will still limit who they see and how they see them.

Social distancing still exists and thats 2 metres in Wales, outdoors, unless you’re in an extended household bubble.

Today is not a full stop on the restrictions. It’s a comma, with a virus still writing its sentences for us all to see. Yes the numbers are incredibly low in Wales but people are still dying. After scenes of Soho over the weekend I wonder what the number of those affected will change to.
Why am I writing about this today?

Because we are all free to make our own choices. It is in our actions that we become who we are. However, our actions carry consequences and are either inline with the law or in contravention with the law. I don’t pass judgement on your actions and likewise I wouldn’t want others passing judgement on my actions.

We are all free to react and respond to these easing of restrictions in certain ways and we should be allowed to do these without feelings of shame or guilt attached to it. Those who are staying in or distant have their reasons and those reasons should be respected.

I’ll be talking about actions again, and how we can use them to overcome our minds negative biases. But for now, use your actions to show understanding and empathy with those around.

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