Feeling Flat

Why do we feel flat? Even the weather is nice, and people are smiling and laughing around you and you’re healthy?

It’s a frustrating place to be isn’t it? Basic needs are being met and more, yet, vibrancy and colours have become muted.

I’ve had a weekend like this and I tell you what, it stinks.

Was it the incurable blocked nose? The lack of productivity? The lack of conversations with others? The breakdown of existing relationships? All of the above?

That’s heavy isn’t it?

Despite having a paddling pool filled with hot water and getting more vitamin D than over the last 4 weeks combined in the sunshine I still felt flat. I don’t mind feeling flat. I’ve become quite accustomed to it over my life. My personality is such that I swing widely from one feeling to another depending on my circumstances.

I’m very guided by others and their emotions. Not necessarily what they tell me to do. I can be quite stubborn if what you’re doing goes against what I feel.

But this weekend was different. There’s so little stimulus, although there ought to be for someone in my position – more on that in a later blog – but I just couldn’t do it.

I’m good at the doing phase of anything but the follow ups I’ve been struggling with. And I’m not too disheartened by this as I know that it all it takes is a wave gumption to get me going again and then I’ll be off. The pain point of not doing it outweighs the pain of doing it so to speak.

This article for example is the first thing I’ve written in over 3 days despite wanting to have three or four in the bank ready to go. I’ve got videos that need finishing, I’ve got more videos that need starting! And I haven’t done any of them.

I’m not even saying this for a pity party. I’m saying this because I’m frustrated that my inaction and my demeanour disappears during this time and then I feel guilty for those around me. And then I feel guilty for those not around me but who are trying to contact me, and then I feel guilty that I’m feeling guilty over something(s) that I could not change even if I wanted to. Yikes!

Despite this I’ve still smiled genuinely, I’ve still laughed genuinely, and I’ve relaxed genuinely. So it couldn’t have been too awful could it?

As midnight approached on the Sunday there were two things that I had been notified to do and even invited to do in one case. I still didn’t feel like doing much but I did them. I will be amazed if either are used but I did do them. I was able to tick something off my list when I felt like doing nothing.

We all can. 

We can all do things even when we don’t feel like it. Feeling the need to do something doesn’t actually make that thing happen. It is the doing the thing which is important. The quality of my filming or singing may not be what I wanted, but I did them. And sent them off!

My mood will lift and I’ll be firing on all cylinders again. Letting the dips counter any progress I make is natural but I need to be mindful not to let it spiral out of control. I need to get out of my own head and talk more to get these feelings off my shoulders.

What can you do to recognise your feelings and stop you from getting in your own way and get back on the front foot and move forward?

For me, it was simply talking to my community on Facebook that I’ve built up over quarantine. Talking about this very topic and sharing stories was exactly what I needed.

Let me know your thoughts.

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